Motherhood is not all it is cracked up to be lately. Struggling to find work and feel I am not really doing right by my poor "Middle Child". He and I have been doing this dance for a dozen years or more, and it is getting weary. Tonight a full moon comes up over the bog. Here he is now after I thought he might not come back home tonight, so relieved am I. Already he is here to harass and hate me just another day in the life... an ungrateful mother. This is not a job for the faint of heart. I can not wait until he is 18!!!!! Two years and I pray each and every day that this will be the day he realizes his potential and how much we have always loved him! I can not make him see or believe it, that will be his challenge. For now I must have FAITH that God will carry us through it.
I am certain in his heart of hearts he knows we all love him dearly. There has been no meds in months now and it is not working out, time to try yet another pill. Poor boy. The depression is so genetic and part of both of our families history. It is better to have tried to come off and seen it is not time than to have always wondered if we had over medicated him as a boy. We have been around the world seeking professional medical and psychiatric advice for this poor kid. We have been to Children's Hospital, Mass General....had blood drawn from the whole family...been tested intellectually, physically, mentally, and now we are exhausted and nearly broken. The husband has been having chest pains for months. Please LORD DO NOT let the stress of this kill him. I will not live like his Mother and mine...young and bitter widows. I will get him the help he needs and get him back on the road to happiness no matter what!!!! I am determined. Let there be peace .
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